soLitaRy.sOuL
TheMonthOfJanuary

Fate seems to deceive us
We’ve met in a time when we almost
build up and reach our dreams I
thought my life was settled and I
was certain with what I have and
where I am leading to.
But when I met you, everything changed
You brought me to the world I once turned back
Your smile, your laughter, your jokes and just your
mere presence brought joy in me, You’ve always
make me happy.
I don’t know what ties us together but
I found myself loving each side of you
more than I expect I would, the stolen
memories we’ve shared echoed in my
mind.Those were one of the best memories
and moments in my life. It reminded me that
once I found an angel, my angel who I ought
not t let go.
“I LOVE U SO MUCH”… I really do but we
have two different worlds. If only we’ve met in
a different place, different time… in a different
situation. If only I met you earlier… (o1.2o.o6 -RD)

.Eiiarrarraiiand.Beeowwarrbeeeee.

We met in an instant.. in a complete different worlds. “Yours is something i call HOME with warm love and acceptance however mine is UNKNOWN where emptiness resides”

Let me start when we first met, back in the year 2oo8 where you&&iii originally met (over the phone/webcam), that’s, one of those days that’s so vague but remarkable (cause that’s when i first met you). In the year 2oo9, YOU&&iii finally met in person… my mind was blank and doesn’t know what to feel or to expect, all i know is i finally met you..(overwhelmed). No reactions, nothing at all…cause my presence there was nothing but to explore, enjoy and not to FALL in LOVE! Those days was full of excitement and happiness.. That’s when you started calling me “BEE”.. well, I’ll be willing to be your bee as long as YOU are willing to be my HONEY! (that sounds pathetic but I’m tryin’).. but i still remember what i used to call you “MY LOVE”, and that’s when you gave me two handcraft paper saying “I<3U” that was the first gift/remembrance that I’ve received from you(a gift that i received not until i reached JAPAN..and guess what? i still have them and you probably won’t even remember). The days passed..didn’t get the chance to bid you my farewell..cause you left without even saying goodbye..not even a single word! (REASON: school. Your reason was one of the lame excuse that I’ve ever heard.) And our first interaction ends on September 12, 2oo9 at 12 o’clock midnight.

Few years have gone, and there i was again… i returned.(December o8, 2o11) when i saw you in person. (I must admit, my heart skip a beat and i felt nervous). That’s when I received the first HUG from you. Your presence makes my heart smile. First few day’s were good, especially on the 11th day of December. (There’s always a first time they say) It was the first time that i rode in your bike, i kinda feel nervous yet not so nervous cause i know you are there and always will. I guess i was a bad luck when your tire broke down. But that gave me enough of time, to see you closely and talk to you clearly (though we’re both tipsy!) And, i was just amazed… i had a coffee session with you at 2:30 in the morning…it was when you first held my hand.(while you were driving).. that’s when i received the second and third HUG from you… But after that, we both gone busy..mine with the sessions and you for work. (that made me sad..it did!) We hardly communicate, at first..it was all cool with me yet day by day I’m missing you and wanted to see you, even if you’re there, sitting beside me i still do miss you. (your body may be there, but reality check.. your heart and mind wasn’t) I am not expecting anything from you or anything to happen and i never wanted to ruin the current mood of your relationship (don’t be confused..please don’t, I am not staying for good..but if i do, i will not hesitate and make you fall for me! and that’s a promise LOL) that just sound so greedy but that’s true. “You’re like Mcdonalds…wanna know why? Cause I’m Lovin’ it!” I don’t know when did it start, or what happened or how it happened, all i know is that i can’t stop thinking about you, day and night! But isn’t it, I’m good at pretending that i don’t wanna text you? (just so you know…My heart and mind is debating whether to text you or not..HEART wins sometimes, that’s when i text you but my MIND wins most of the time cause i bear the time to not to text you.) We act like a cat and dog, a couple and friends…we fight, we chill, we laugh, we joke and we pretend.. I once heard you say… It’s hard (the situation) then if you are having a hard time…I am in pain… I am hurting (but i can’t do anything cause you ain’t mine).

I guess, both of us are just cowards and ain’t ready to face reality… the reality of acceptance, confrontation and letting go.

- You always ask if i have a prepaid and you barely text me yet, you complain why i don’t text you. (i don’t cause, the thing inside me is growing and not talking to you is the only way to stop it..guess i was wrong instead it grew strong.)

- You always ask if i have plans.. (what an ass) i said all my sched., yet you didn’t do anything about it.. instead you said NOTHING when i asked why you wanna know. (You know what’s hard when you asked me that..i was waiting for you to asked me out,..and i waited for you the whole day) and that’s the most tiring job i did., waste my time while waiting for something i know isnt gonna happen and will never be.

-You makes me worry whenever you show up at our door step yet bid goodbye from nowhere.

- I like it, when you make a face… you’re like a kid, i just like the way of you as an innocent kind.

- You’re so adorable when drunk… and such a cutie when doing a half smile/smirk.

- You act/pretend that you are sick when i talk to somebody yet, you didn’t do anything about it and let me.

- i hate it when you tell everyone how you feel except me. (i felt worthless)I shouldn’t assume or expect anything but I’m hurting

-You get mad and complain alot when someone gets my attention.

-I like the way you asked me stuff as if your were my man

-I like the way you care for me esp. when you overreact when i got an attacked (asthma)

- I like the way you text me (though its just a random text…) it makes my day… esp. when you replied I love you t0o. I know that ain’t real..just words with no meaning…

-I like it when you call me a monkey (not because i wanted to be a monkey) but because you told me that i’am the monkey that’s keep hanging in your heart and will always be there.

- However, do you know what i like the most? - YOU.

Our encounter may be short but it made me happy, it’s short and it made me sad, it’s short and it’s not right, it’s short and you made me FALL, it’s short yet it shouldn’t.

I always wanna tell you this… “I like you, i really do but i shouldn’t!”

Guess… that’s how our journey ends. for now… i hope to see you again maybe not now, not anytime soon.. but maybe SOMEDAY! (till we meet again)

P.S

HAPPY BIRTHDAY (January 26, 2o12)

Love always,

rEdELLE

.BreakEven.

you’re being unfair,
unfair for leaving me behind
and for hurting me so bad

you left with no reason said
and moved on without hesitation,
my heart is aching

you feel loved and cared
though I feel empty and frail
I’m falling to pieces

you’re having a good-time
while I’m in pain and despair
again, my heart is BROKEN

why can’t it be that
I’m happy and you’re not
I’m in-love and you’re hurting

It may sound pathetic of me
at-least in my dream it’s even
..It is break even

.o6.13.1o.

I Miss You

Another day we talked,

He said hello with smile in his tone

In response, I said hi, with relief in my voice

Once more, we shared thoughts to each other

Days of no words from him

Feels like years has been gone

Days of my loneliness and sorrow

Finally turns into hours of happiness

He spoke in his lovely voice

Sounds like a melody in my soul

His sweet-short laugh

Feels like a lullaby that calms my hearts

After each word we speak

And all the jokes we have said

A short giggle and smile we make

Yet; after, another silence will break

I wish that this conversation will lasts

That time will stop & no one will interrupt

Even though day & night I talk to you

Yet, every time…I miss you

Gemini

Underneath my bright smile,

A huge pain I’m trying to hide…

Behind the laughter’s I’m doing,

An incredible effort I’m trying to give…

I tend to be a happy person

But inside me, a broken soul resides

I pretend to be strong

But a weak and a fragile heart cries

I tried to play safe and be great

So no one would notice nor realize

That someone like me is hurting-

….and dying

I’ll Be

Lean on me when you needed me

I’ll be your friend till you yearn for it,

Tell me all your worries and

I’ll let you know my stories.

 

Cry when you’re in pain

I’ll lend you a shoulder to cry on,

Smile when you’re happy

I’ll be the humor in your joke.

 

Don’t be afraid to go on a battlefield

I’ll be your armor and your shield.

Fight for what you know is right

Cause I’ll be there fighting beside you!